I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
