Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
