I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize