i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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