Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You smell like stripper and shame
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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