I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize