I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
