They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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