she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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