So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Even my vagina gasped.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
