I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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