new low.... made out with someone while peeing
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
