If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
