i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
