I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
