I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
