It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize