I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
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