He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
