my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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