the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
