the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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