The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
