Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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