Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
