Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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