But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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