I heard we made out
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
