i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize