dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
