Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Randomize
