you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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