she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
