I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
