If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize