Non-Jews are for practice
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
