So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
is wine microwaveable?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
