Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize