I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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