I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
