Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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