Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
