Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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