Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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