Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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