He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
