Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
