those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize