I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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