my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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