you told grandpa to call you daddy
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
