You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
