Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize