So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
