There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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