Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
