he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
