i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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