She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
only you would photoshop your dick
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
