I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize