I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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