I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
