She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
