I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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