Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
is it fun? or sober?
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