We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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