Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
