Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
