omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize