I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you would pick up someone in the library
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
