Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
