Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
