Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
