is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
