Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
