At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
