I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
