i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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