What did we do last night that was yellow?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
