Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
