Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
