the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
