The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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