Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
