I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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