when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
