Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
