Don't make out with my wife yet
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
