and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
