There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
