ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
