i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
