i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
