Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
