Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
