I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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