I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
