THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
