Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
