Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
