Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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