If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
