Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
