ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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