how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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