I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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