I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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