How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
