I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
