youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
