If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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