I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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