I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
