I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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