he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
