I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
