I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
