just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
