things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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